Testimonials

It was a Tuesday when I finally made the phone call. I was at work and started crying in my office over something trivial that didn’t go my way. I felt like I was drowning. I just couldn’t handle another setback.

For months I knew I was functioning at less than my best. I was envious of coworkers who seemed to be thriving. My brain felt like mush - I felt physically incapable of thinking strategically. Every morning, I got ready for work and thought, ‘This is as good as it gets.’ I was always hiding in plain sight, hoping no one would notice me or get too close. If they did, they’d see how broken I really was. And now here I am, crying in my office – ugly crying – breaking under an unseen, possibly self-imposed pressure of perfection. There was so much I couldn’t control. But there was one thing I could, I made the call to my company’s Employee Assistance Plan (EAP). I asked for help.

The EAP intake was completely painless. They asked me some general questions and when asked why I was seeking services, they accepted my non-descript answer of, “I’m a hot mess.” Picking up the phone seemed much more insurmountable than getting the referral, making the appointment and talking to the counselor for the first time. By then I was on the train – I was doing the thing – no turning back now.

I was referred to Amber Chapman at Rain River Counseling. I wasn’t sure what to expect but I was so pleased to find a welcoming office and a kind and patient professional who listens to me, challenges me and treats me like a loving friend. I’ve lost myself in tears in her office, embarrassingly crying over seemingly nothing – hating myself. She’s simply said, “I like you.” I hear her words of affirmation in my head throughout the day. It keeps me on track.

Therapy is work and I was committed to give it my all. Luckily, I’m driven by achievements, a consummate people pleaser, I never failed to do one of her homework assignment. There’s a new one just about every visit, the work isn’t just done in her office. They’ve ranged from reading a specific book, to walking, journaling and trying a new fitness class. At my request, we’ve been able to bring our faith into our conversations and I love this holistic approach.

After a couple months of talking, Amber asked my thoughts on psychological medication. She made a suggestion, discussed options and side-effects. I talked to my general practitioner and he prescribed them for me. I hope not to be on them for too long but taking care of the chemical imbalance gave me the space to tackle the emotional wounds. All that working mom noise and negative self-talk, it disappeared.

Amber described it like you have an internet browser in your brain with a bunch of tabs open and then they close. Now I can focus. I can look at myself in the mirror. I’m working on saying kind things to myself, treating myself like a friend.

Among other techniques, we did Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. EMDR is a well-researched technique proven to help people recover from trauma. When Amber first suggested it, she gave me time to research it and ask questions. She utilizes small handheld buzzers which she showed me in advance and told me what to expect. After a few more sessions we were ready to begin. While I held a buzzer in each hand, Amber gave alternating pulses and guided me through some distressing life experiences. These sessions left me drained and tired, but healing began. I was able to enter some of those most troubling memories and tell my twelve-year-old self that she was loved, to protect my fourteen-year-old self like I would my own daughter. I am good and worthy of unconditional love and I can tell myself that now – thirty years later – and start to heal those wounds.

I’m glad I made that phone call. I want to say I wish I had done it sooner but then maybe I would not have been paired with the counselor who was so uniquely qualified to help me. Maybe I wouldn’t have really been ready to prioritize myself and the relationships I value the most, my husband and kids. It’s not that life has gotten easier, it’s just that I have more tools to navigate it. Raising teenagers is hard, my job is demanding, I’m demanding of myself. I’m also a little kinder to myself and that feels nice. Prioritizing my mental health was the best thing I could do for myself and my family. I’m immensely grateful for the care I received from Rain River.

— female